Four Tips to Getting Over Grudges

At one time or another we have all experienced pain from someone in our life that once was (or may still be) close to you in some way. Maybe a trust was broken. Maybe a terrible mistake was made. Maybe they were just being, oh I don’t know…human. Whatever the case, the incident may cause you to hold a grudge. I’ve been there. I still deal with it. But let me say from experience, you gotta learn to get over it. I want to give you four tips I use to get over grudges. In true Ron Dawson fashion, I’ve come up with an easy memorization system. Just remember these four P’s.

  • PERSPECTIVE: first and foremost, keep life in perspective. Chances are, in the greater picture of life, the grudge you have may be small when you take into account what you could be dealing with. Remember Ashley.
  • PURPOSE: if you hold a professional grudge against someone, remember your purpose or calling. Focus on that and getting past your own self-ish needs for the greater good. (Geek alert!) I can’t help but think of Worf from Star Trek: The Next Generation when he had to hold his tongue about the traitorous acts of the Duras family when they accused Worf’s father of a traitorous act their father actually committed. In order to preserve the Klingon empire, he had to keep quiet and bear the shame of his father. For a season or more, whenever he came across other Klingons, they thought of him as a dog. Worf kept his silence, and patience, for a higher purpose.
  • PARDON: you have to learn to forgive whomever it was that wronged you. You just have to do it. It may help to remember that forgiveness is for you, not the other person. The more you hold a grudge, the more it will eat away at you and rob you of your own peace in life.
  • PRAY: if you’re a praying person, then pray for the strength to forgive, move on, and fulfill your purpose. Sometimes that’s the only place you will find solace.

Again, in true Ron Dawson fashion, I’m going to give you a FIFTH tip, totally free of charge…

PATIENCE. Just be patient. I believe that we reap what we sow. Call if karma it you like. Every person, eventually, will face a reckoning for whatever they’ve done. Going back to my Worf example, eventually the truth was revealed, Worf’s honor was restored, and the Duras family fell from grace. But there’s a caveat: don’t go through life waiting for their reckoning. Instead, be patient for your reward for the positive things you sow in life. (If you can’t clique with the Star Trek analogy, there’s a pretty good story in a really old book about a guy with a rainbow-colored jacket, a bunch of dreams, jealous brothers, a sex scandal, and the king of Egypt. Check it out.)

Lastly, I know this is hard. I don’t want to give the impression that I’ve conquered it. I haven’t. Sometimes I have good days, sometimes bad days. Forgiveness is sometimes an on-going process that requires a proactive stance. Kind of like love.

And with that I’ll just say…Qapla’.

6 thoughts on “Four Tips to Getting Over Grudges

  1. Good tips. I think the other thing that can help when there’s conflict is talking with the other person involved to make sure you’re clearly understanding the issue. Maybe there’s no need to forgive at all. It could just have been a simple misunderstanding. It can be easier to hold the grudge than to investigate the root issue, but easier is not always better.

    1. Excellent, excellent point TJ. And I would add, actually TALK. Do NOT email. That will most likely make matters worse. If you can’t meet the alleged offender in person, there’s this really great invention called the telephone…

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